lama btol rasanya xupdate blog ni.. not much has happened during those times but... the biggest 'dugaan' dariMu untuk kami sekeluarga Ya Allah.. pemergian ibu tercinta, Hjh Siti Aminah bt Jamaludin..
~
its really really hard to not go teary eyed while writing this entry.. ive been trying to build up my strength these past few weeks.. dunno if im strong enuff but here it goes..
~
~
minggu2 akhir mei, mak started to show symptoms of minor stroke.. the right side of her body wud not function.. tapi muka mak xsenget, cuma mak xbercakap.. its like she's trying but it just wudnt come out.. arwah mak ni was on dialysis 3 times a week at UMSC... sblm2 ni everytime kitorg cdgkan nk bw mak ke hospital she wud cry, not wanting to go.. but as things got worse, on the 1st of june, abah (with angah n alang) took mak to PPUM after dialysis.. Syukur Alhamdulillah she did not rebel.. abah headed for the trauma and emergency unit where mak had her catscan... doctors found sumthing on her left side brain.. that shocked all of us sebab mak x pernah mengadu sakit kepala sblm ni.. so after that mak had to be warded.. tp mak had to stay kt ward kecemasan 1 mlm sbb ward 6 xcukup staf nk amik mak.. bole pulak gitu kan..
~
so to cut things short a bit, on the 7th of june, mak had an MRI which showed her left side brain had abscess (nanah).. that was why the right side of her body was very weak and the location of the abscess affected her speach centre.. so on the 8th of june, mak went into surgery.. from 9am til 6pm.. hanya Allah sahaja yg tau betapa susahnya kami nk tgk mak masuk OT knowing theres always a 50-50 chance when it comes to brain surgery.. after surgery mak dimasukkan ke wad neuro icu utk pemantauan.. aku berani kata yg arwah mak adalah seorg fighter.. she's a very strong lady.. memandangkan wad ICU xbole org jaga so we all went back home and came back to PPUM bright n early the nxt day..
day aftr the operation, arwah mak was showing good progress.. kaki kanan dh bole gerak2 n she started to speak! syukur Alhamdulillah.. selera makan pun bertambah baik so a few days aftr observation arwah mak dpt naik ward 6.. however, the 2nd day at ward 6, arwah mak was showing signs of relapse.. she didnt want to eat or take her meds.. she was acting out n got mad easily.. and she kept trying to pull out the stitches..
so for follow up observations, arwah mak turun balik to neuro ICU.. thats when everything went downhill... bcoz mak refused to eat she had to have a tube inserted thro her nose for milk.. for a few days she cud still talk, but sumtimes she wud say things that were unclear.. sort of blabbering things.. for instance, once she told me to get ready utk 'berperang dgn org tu'.. it gave me a bit of a creep but i just went a long with it..
~
21st june - mak was supposed to go for PICC surgery (mcm masukkan tiub kt dlm lengan kanan utk mudah masukkan ubat).. however memandangkan tangan arwah mak sgt bengkak disebabkan kemasukan ubat dan drip, the surgery was cancelled.. later that afternoon, alang n i dh siap tunggu arwah mak kt ward 8 for dialysis memandangkan nurses bgtau earlier yg diorg nk siapkan arwah mak for dialysis.. around 2ish (kalo xsilap) i got a call from ward 5 saying that breathing and blood pressure arwah mak were unstable and that they had to put her on temporary life support.. luruh jantung Ya Allah.. so we headed back to ward 5 and when we got there, i cudn't help but get teary eyed.. bayangkanla tube besar masuk melalui mulut.. memandangkan tiub tu besar & arwah mak xbiasa ada tiub, she kept on gagging... kesian sgt kitorg tgk..
~
23rd june - arwah mak went for dialysis.. tp kali ni cara cuci air memandangkan fistula mak dh rosak abis.. sampai je kt ward 8 aku tgk kepala arwah mak dh botak abis.. mungkin nurses rasa arwah mak lebih selesa begitu memandangkan sudah lama rambutnya tidak bercuci.. aku terpandang tangan kanan arwah mak... Astaghfirullahalazim... tangannya sgt2 merening.. as if kalo tercucuk skit it wud burst.. i cried just looking at it... tp x nangis dpn dia.. that night felt sooooo long... adik2 abah pun dtg memandangkan keadaan dia masa tu sdh kritikal.. however, ada masa2 tertentu dia akan bg reaksi.. bila dgr suara abah panggil nama dia, dia akan buka mata cari abah.. tp pandangan sekadar pandangan kosong.. bila maklang (adik abah) kata nak balik, dia akan buat muka mencebik dan air mata akan keluar.. after dialysis kitorg suma tgu kt ruang menunggu dpn ward 5.. kitorg baca Yaasin ramai2.. until maklang kluar dr ward 5 dan meluru peluk abah.. kitorg suma dh suspen but maklang kata that 'she was peaking up' which means she was fighting to stay alive.. tapi heartrate arwah mak still sgt tinggi... 130-140 beats per min.. tp bila tau she was peaking up rasa syukur.. kitorg stay smpai kena halau dgn pekerja hosp..
~
24th june - malam 23hb tu aku, alang n maklang tido kt lantai PPUM.. yg lain stay kt subang.. so around 8.30am tukar shift.. along n angah pulak dtg n we all pulak balik rehat.. around 3 sumthing kitorg pun smpai balik PPUM.. around 4ish, aku n alang masuk tgk arwah mak.. sblm tu angah bgtau nurses tgh siapkan arwah mak utk dialysis so diorg diminta keluar.. tp aku n alang curi2 masuk.. smpai dpn bilik tgk arwah mak just lying there so tny nurse (masa tu yg jaga arwah mak nurse lelaki).. nurse tu kata blood pressure arwah mak x stabil so kena tgu dulu.. so sementara tu aku n alang pun 'borak2' dgn arwah mak.. at the same time aku pun urut2 kaki arwah mak sbb tgk dh pucat n purpleish... aku urut smpai ada kaler balik kaki dia.. aku ingat lg, kitorg bgtau arwah mak yg dia dapat hadiah lucky draw.. (tghari tu, UMSC buat family day, abah pergi dgn cucu sorang, arwah dapat lucky draw).. kitorg bgtau arwah mak agar cpt sembuh so bole buka hadiah tu nnt... hmmm... tgh syok2 'borak' tu aku prasan kt monitor bhgn heart rate tu mcm ada blinking.. aku tny nurse.. nurse minta kitorg kuar jap sbb nk check (FYI, blinking tu dh a few times jd sblm tu so we weren't that worried eventho heartrate mak stayed at 130).. bila dh kena kuar tu kitorg kuar kt tpt lif (port anak2 buah lepak sbb diorg xleh masuk).. along n angah tgu kt waiting area belah dalam... aku n alang tgh makan when angah tiba2 dtg kata Dr. Yang nk jmpe.. we headed for the sliding door (masa tu along n angah dh masuk, kitorg tpaksa ketuk2 pintu minta org dlm bukakan pintu).. tgk muka angah dh lain.. tnya along, dia kata Dr. Yang ckp mak punya heart suddenly stopped but they are trying to revive her.. masa tu aku rasa jantung aku yg nk stop.. we had to call abah as he was downstairs buying drinks.. alas, abah smpai and kitorg suma tgu kt walkway (nurses xbg dkt sgt ngan bilik)... nurses kuar masuk, wht was 20mins felt like eternity.. but when Dr.Yang came out and gave us the news... hanya Allah shj yg tau perasaan kami sekeluarga.. arwah mak was announced meninggal (diff for me to say 'dead') at 5.32pm.. we held on to abah, takut dia rebah.. imagine a 72yo man trying to fight tears.. sedih sgt2... bila nurses dh cabut suma tubes n wires, kitorg 1 family dibawa masuk (including the kids)... masa tu abah held on to arwah mak's face put his head next to hers and cried... betapa kasih dan sayangnya seorg suami kepada isteri of 47 years... kitorg biar je abah nangis.. after that yg lain suma cium pipi arwah mak before jenazah dibawa turun...
~
esoknya kami 4 beradik sama2 membantu memandikan jenazah dan sama2 membantu mengkafankan jenazah... bersih bercahayanya Ya Allah... tnh perkuburan terletak di dpn kampung.. teramatlah dkt.. (semasa hidup, arwah mak mmg minta jika meninggal dia nk dikuburkan disitu.. katanya senang abah nk ziarah n abah xlupa kt dia)... dlm sekitar kul 12 jenazah mak slamat disemadikan... Alhamdulillah semuanya berjalan dgn mudah dan lancar.. semoga roh mak tenang di sana.. Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, tempatkanlah ibuku dikalangan org2 yg beriman dan jauhkanla ibuku dari seksaanMu Ya Allah..
pada yg masih ada ibu atau bapa... sayangilah mereka selagi terdaya... hormatilah mereka dan besyukur atas kasih sayang yg telah mereka limpahkan.. berterima kasih atas ssh payah dan bebelan mereka.. u'll never know when the day comes where u'll be missing their voice..
we miss u and will always miss u... love u and will carry ur strength till the day i die.. Al-Fatihah..
~
